Fast forward four years. That compliment means so much to me because sometimes, I don’t feel that he wants me. Even worse, I feel as if it’s my own fault because of the way I hype things up in my mind. But I can’t help it.
I don’t care if we’re already late–take me, have me! Oh, did I totally screw up recently? Then love me even harder. I kept thinking, if I’m his dream girl, why doesn’t he ravish me the second he gets home? The thing is, I’m typically a patient person, but I wanted these random acts of “strip me now” when they were the most inconvenient. But they weren’t happening. I didn’t understand.
It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I finally saw the light. I was at a workshop where conversations got deep. There were five women and two men. We found ourselves in a discussion about which role we as females identify with the most: women, mother or wife. For me, it’s woman. I am always woman, and the other two roles I can switch on and off, but I identify with woman the most. And then the men in the group started to speak about work and switching off their “work” role when they rejoined their families.
And so, there it is. My heart on my sleeve. My biggest marriage mistake. In doing so, I hope this reaches out to the women who are going through the same feelings. My perception that he didn’t desire me was just that, my perception. In the end, I hope, that I still am his dream girl and that he’ll want me forever.
(Photo taken at Sky Rock in Morgantown, WV on 9/2/13. Exact spot where he proposed five years ago.)