One of the best compliments I have ever received came from a friend who told me, “I’m quite envious of how well you walk the line of motherhood and womanhood.” She was someone who I admired so much for her charisma and womanliness. I was instantly attracted to her the first time we met. She was solid and confident, and to have her give me a compliment like that meant a lot to me because it is something I’m conscious of and actually put effort into.
Needless to say, life looks a lot different after you’ve had a child. In your “past life,” when all you’ve had to think about was where you and your friends were going to brunch (j/k-that wasn’t a thing yet when I was in my 20s), it was easy to feel sexy and tap into your effortless sexiness.
Maybe not “easy,” but you definitely had more time to think about it. I mean, I’m past the stage of having spit-up down the back of my shirt unknowingly, but the children who can now ask me a million questions, are still an energy suck.
I’m not surprised that most couples sex lives take a nose dive after having kids. We waaant to want it, but a lot of people (dads, too) are not really feeling it after only 3 hours of sleep and a full day of work.
So!, after the newborn haze, or make it the toddler haze (does it EVER end, actually?), here are some hacks on how to boost your sex life!-OR- at the least to promote you feeling sexy again and shifting your perspective back to lover status.
The first one…the easiest one:
Matching bra and panties.
It doesn’t matter if your body has changed or not. Not at your goal weight? Maybe you have cellulite now but never did before? Whatever the change is, it doesn’t matter. The thing is, the only person that sees these “flaws” is you. The only person who attaches significance to 10 or 20 extra pounds is you. So look past it like you do a popcorn’ed ceiling when house-hunting.
Do you know why theses things don’t matter? Because they have nothing to do with your heart. But you already knew that (I hope). Now it’s time to OWN IT.
Even if you’re rolling your eyes at that suggestion, it’s not something you have to do each day. I’m a big fan of quality brands so even if it’s a nice sports bra from Under Armour that allows you to have TWO boobs instead of a uni-boob, get that one. If cost is an issue, outlets and online shopping are your friend. –I’m just trying to take away your excuses here. Make yourself a priority.
This strategy has worked so well for me because the feel of satin, lace, softness in my hands and against my skin is so subtle, but automatically begins to put me in the mindset that I’m only putting the best and prettiest on my body. And it’s private.
What makes you happy? What makes you feel sexy? or which songs bring back a time in your life when you felt great? For me, sometimes it’s dance club music, sometimes it’s a french music playlist from Spotify and sometimes it’s Dr. C’s video in the shiggy challenge. All I’m saying is take time to let music flow through your mind and body and OWN IT, girlfriend!
Confession: While the shower warms up, I love to dance to Despacito and enjoy myself. A little booty dancing is good for your self-esteem.
Also, side note: When you’re in the car with your kids, play YOUR music, not theirs. Yes, stay away from explicit versions of songs but keep the car music reserved for yourself. Our children get EVERYTHING else. The last thing I want to do is listen to the gummy bear song or Kids Bop in my car–no thank you.
Candles that smell like men
Who doesn’t like that?!
Sandalwood. White musk. Cedarwood. Cypress…lots of wood, friends…lots of wood. 😉
Most important of all, don’t forget about the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with. (This could really be a whole other blog post…Keep an eye out for that!)
Healthy Food and Exercise
Did you let out a big “ugh!” in your mind? Sad but true, right? We have to take care of our bodies by putting good stuff into it and doing good stuff to it. …The easiest way to do this is to not make it complicated. Add a salad a day into your diet and let it replace lunch or dinner. Go for a walk after dinner. My husband and I will sometimes put our 6 and 3 year old boys in the stroller in the evening and go for a long walk around the neighborhood. Some movement, some conversation (uninterrupted if we’re lucky) and we typically walk long enough that they fall asleep.
Getting to that point of feeling sexy again is not magic. It takes effort and you can look at it as a recipe….”add in some sexy panties and well-fitted bras…add in 15 minutes of reading a romance or erotic novel…” What kind of “sexy” recipe would work well for you? … For a lot of people this shift in perspective doesn’t happen in one day, but you have to start. Do it for yourself. A happy mama who feels good about herself can better serve everyone in her life. It’s okay to put yourself at the top of your list. I’d argue to say it’s vital!
What other things can you do to make yourself feel sexy?